And here we are in 2012. For some strange reason I hear Manilow blasting, "Looks like we made it...." One thing that is definite and never changing in my world is time. In everyone's world actually. I remember when I was in college I read a quote somewhere that said we are all aging at exactly the same pace. I'm sure you find it odd that a quote so simple-minded would strike one as deep as I as it did, but it totally changed my whole mind on getting older. I realized that the baby I hold is aging at the same rate as my 79 year old mother. Nobody gets special treatment or more time. (Barring death of course as some get more time on this earth than others, but my point is dealing with the whole 24 hours a day thing.)
I wonder what this year will bring to me in the form of different choices. Yes, I have goals. Not resolutions mind you because those to me have always been a joke, not to mention I consider my new year's day the first day of school starting in the fall and function from fall to fall really. But, I digress. Each day presents itself as a new chance....and possibly a second chance to do things differently. I am such a creature of habit that it is very much out of my comfort zone to mess things up.....especially when they're working. Yet, I also have this desire to be a better "me" which will require me to decide what it is that I choose to use my "second chance" to correct.
In my last post, I discussed budgeting. Yep, it's huge. It's my number one thing this year and although it's a pain in the rear to work on a budget and to plan where every dollar gets spent, it so works if you work it. This is my second chance to get my life in order financially.
I also need people. I have come to a place in my life where I feel pretty friendless (yes, this is me being extremely vulnerable---oh look, another goal). I have my job where I have colleagues who mean the world to me and whom I spend moments with at work, but beyond that, it doesn't happen really. I have many in my world I would consider friends, but again, to truly have them be IN my world (by IN, I mean to know my thoughts, my heart, my dreams....you know, like the best friend you had when you were in school at some point in life) just doesn't happen. I am not sure how to fix this or even if it is fixable. I do try to invest in others and intentionally reach out to friends, so it's not that I'm a hermit in a corner, rocking back and forth muttering things that are senseless. I'm sure I could write for days on this topic, so I'll end it with the statement that I hope 2012 brings deeper relationships to me because yeah, I need people.
Another area I want a "second chance" at is my health. Yeah, I'm saying it. There is too much junk in my trunk. There are so many reasons why this is the case, but ultimately, the only one who can throw out the junk is me. I'm joining Jennifer Hudson in singing, "Believe" from the top of my lungs.
I probably should include things like being a better mom, a better teacher, more spiritual and so on, but those are way too predictable, and if I'm honest, taking care of the things listed above will probably enhance the whole mom, teacher and spirituality part. Not sure where all of this post is coming from. Sorry if I lost you two paragraphs ago, which would mean you would also miss this apology, but hey, I tried. I just maybe was caught up in the whole 2012 being a second chance in a way and I went for it......with the maze I call my mind and my "stream of consciousness" writing technique. So. Be. It.
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