They Sounded Like Chipmunks

Last Friday was a monumental day for my students as it was Outsider's Day, which is the day they not only get to drink Pepsi, eat chocolate cake and chocolate candy, but they also get to watch the beginning of the movie with some pretty hot actors in it (Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, Matt Dillon, Ralph Macchio, and Tom Cruise in their younger years).  I usually dress the part as well as I possibly can, but with my recent decision to grow my hair out to see what it does, it left much fewer choices for me.  Nonethless, I tried to look like a Greaser (think "hood" from the 60's) but fear it's more of a PeeWee Herman movie character.

See what I mean?  Regardless of how I looked, I didn't care as it was all in fun for the kids and I was pretty excited myself to see how they dressed and so on.  Some did well, others, well, they were too cool, no pun intended. 

In the middle of the day, I get a call from the office telling me my daughter's school was calling so I took the call to hear that she was sitting in the office pretty upset as she got hurt on the playground. When they handed her the phone, I heard sobbing which is rare for Thing 1, so I decided I needed to go get her.  Luckily, my school is amazing with helping out at the last second so off I went, looking like the photo above to pick up my daughter from her school where they know I'm a teacher.  The look on the secretary's face was priceless. 

The whole drive over I was trying to envision what happened to Thing 1. She isn't a klutzy kid but I know she plays hard so when she told me she fell backward onto the ground and hit her back and her head, then she stood up and couldn't breathe so she passed out and fell forward and hit the front of her head, I realized this might be a little more serious than having someone cover my class for a few minutes.  Her head hurt and her eyes were red from crying but otherwise, she was great.  However, when she said, "Mom, when I started falling forward, all of the voices around me sounded like chipmunks and the next thing I know, the teacher is looking at me and saying my name," I decided the ER was pretty much where we were headed. 

It was quite fun to walk into ER dressed like a Greaser, but I suppose they see lots of different things during their day. They chuckled and off we went to our own room. Again, I was calm, cool (pun intended) and collected as the doctor talked to us and examined her briefly, then said a CT scan was next.  It was when the man came to take her away to the CT scan when my heart skipped a beat. I was sitting alone, in an ER room, my 9 year old was being wheeled away with great big eyes filled with terror, and Megamind was playing on the TV.  I paused the movie so Thing 1 wouldn't miss it.  Then I cried.  I cried in fear. I didn't sob, just cried as all the complications that could be happening came flooding into my mind and of course, I went immediately to the worst case scenario. I just cannot fathom what parents who have injured or ill children go through. Just can't fathom it. 

It turns out everything appears to be fine for Thing 1 albeit she does have a concussion.  I have a new perspective on having her in my world and I also have now learned that when you're passing out, people's voices sound like chipmunks.

The Insecure Leading the Insecure

It's been many years since I've led a Bible study.  I believe the last group I led were teen girls who now are mostly close to their mid twenties now and a few have married and reproduced even.  And now I am leading a Beth Moore book (not the ones that can induce stress-related coronary issues when you realize how long it takes to get through one day's lessons) on insecurity.  I just chuckle when I say that, whether it be in my ever-so-busy mind or out loud.  Me, leading a study on insecurity.  Priceless.

I've enjoyed the study so much and have an awesome group of women involved in the study. God has shown me there is a way to conquer this monster that consumes so many of us, but me in large ways. The essence of getting through insecurity is simple: understand you are God's treasure.  Really?  That simple?  I think not.

I review my life repeatedly, especially now that I'm studying insecurity, the root of many of my issues.  I see very little reason for God to consider me his TREASURE.  Actually, I see very little evidence of me even coming close to grasping this concept. It could be I've not ever been called a treasure by others. Or at least by others whom I believe mean it in the way it is meant. It could be I'm a Comparison Monster and can't break that stupid habit.  Maybe the fact that financially there is very little security to be found for me and never will be plays a role in the inability to take God at His word. So would that make me insecure in my God, too?

What's weird is that I find when I view my life retrospectively, I see that I was secure in the big things---when illness struck, when devastation lay around the corner, when I was super scared, when Dad died---big things have shown me much more secure than daily small things. I really want to change that.  I don't want to pass my insecurity to my daughters. I work so hard to give them a balance to what society tells them regarding women's looks, people's hearts, and so on. But I'd hate to someday have them say, "Mom, remember how you could never get past _________?  Now I'm there, too."  Realistically they'll be telling their therapist this as I know living with me will definitely induce a reason for therapy later in life, but still.  I'd hate to be the topic ALL the time.

Anyway, not totally sure of the purpose of this post besides the fact that I'm heading to lead the insecure to security in a bit and felt the need to do some writing therapy myself.  I'm so wanting to understand that God adores me, calls me his Beloved, and simply can be my strength when my weakness overtakes me.  It's getting to that point that has me baffled and yet, I trudge forward, daily, hoping to claim victory over the 21st Century's New Plague on people everywhere.

Explaining Evil

Today is September 11, 2011.  Ten years ago our world was changed with the decisions of a few terrorists to attack the USA. Although I remember it vividly like it was yesterday, my main thoughts today were on explaining what evil is to my daughters. Wouldn't it be amazing if we didn't have to ponder that?

It's hard to miss the coverage that was everywhere this week. Thing 1 watched one of the documentaries I had on about the second plane that crashed into the towers and then I watched the Heroes of the 88th Floor.  I was careful to watch ones that weren't too graphic and these were fine in that realm of things.  But the obvious tragedy was hard to explain.

Thing 1 watched and wondered what kind of movie this was. When I told her it wasn't a movie, but it was something that happened in real life in the US, she just stared at me.  "Why would anyone crash a plane on purpose?"

"Well, I'm not completely sure, but they mostly wanted to hurt America and they did. Innocent people died in large amounts that day."

After a little silence she then asked, "What did God think?"

I just sat there. Then said, "God probably thought this is what evil looks like."

The conversation continued for a little bit on the whole idea of evil and what it is.  Is evil that mean little boy at the playground or does it have to be something big like a plane crash?  Is evil as simple as kicking a dog or swerving to hit a squirrel, or is it driving drunk?  Are we ever evil or is it simply human sinfulness?

I will never forget the moments as I watched 9-11 unfold. Dad had died only four months before and I was still struggling with the freshness of missing him when this happened.  All that came to mind was how many people were going to be feeling like I felt (extreme grief) after that day of tragedy.  I wondered what Dad was thinking in Heaven as he saw all of the various people entering at once.  Weird, I know, but I thought it.  And then I reminded myself that we are in a world that is basically run by evil in many ways and I needed to strive to stand up to any of the evil I face daily, and most importantly, I need to try not to be the one bringing the evil in.

The words that echo in my mind today were ones of a mother whose son was on the second plane that crashed. She said, "Every time I see that video, I see my son's death."  How incredibly sad, horrifying and needless.  May God bless those who will forever have this day stained in their hearts.

Could there be a band-o in the future?

Tonight I ventured into unknown territory for my girls.  Thing 1 and Thing 2 went tailgating with me to the LHS and RHS game.  Last time I attempted to take a child to a football game (have I mentioned how much I love football?) was when Thing 1 was only three.  That's how WELL it went.  But today, I felt a new little skip in my step and decided it was beautiful weather and it was time to try it again.

The tailgating went great, simply because they played with friends and could run around.  It would have gone better had I brought wine with me, but figured since I'm probably going to know many in the crowd as students, both former and current, I shouldn't be smelling of the grapes.  Once we went in the game, Thing 2 immediately turned to whining. I mean immediately.  My butt hadn't even made it's marks in the blanket on the bleachers and I could hear the extremely whiny voice saying, "I want to go home."  Suddenly, current students swooped in and took her away with them to who knows where, although they brought her back with cotton candy hanging out of her mouth so I guess she was happy, they were happy and ultimately I was happy.

That left Thing 1 with her dear old mom.  She was given the opportunity to go various times but kept choosing to stay by me. The kid hates football.  I love it.  She doesn't understand it.  I do.  She didn't eat supper because one time she had an awful experience with a hotdog and heat exhaustion so she simply won't touch them so on top of it all, she was starving.  I could sense it but more importantly, I was so proud of the way she was trying to appease her mom's interest when really she probably would rather be scrubbing the toilets out (which she abhors).  An ice cream cone became her reward as I knew she was hungry. Still not the best part.  The best part came when I asked, "Do you want to leave at half time or would you like to watch the band? They're pretty much the best in the city."  Thing 1 said, "I want to watch the band, even if it's a long time from now."  Music, literally, to my ears.

Marching band, heck any band, gave me such fond memories.  Music brings something into ones life that is indescribably important and it has the ability to reach spots in people that nothing else in this world can.  I so hope that my love of music can be shared by one of my Things. I do believe I even had a tear in my eye as she watched the whole show with big eyes, loving it.

As we got in the car to leave, Thing 2 was screaming, of course, and Thing 1 said, "Mom, thanks for the cone and thanks for letting me see the band. It was my second favorite thing next to being able to sit with you all night."  Sniff. I love that kid.

I got nothing. Awesome!

So, no poop on the floor.....no pee on the floor.....laundry is almost done....lessons are planned out for the month.  I'm actually cooking supper tonight and Thing 1 is wielding a knife through some fresh garden veggies so I can roast them for the week.  Thing 2 is on the floor putting together puzzles that are much too easy for her, but she is busy and quiet for the moment. Do I dare say it?  Life is uneventful at this particular moment and no, I'm not trying to jinx it, just savoring the moment.  I am reminded quite quickly that when that alarm goes off at 5:45 AM life will shift into high gear and we'll be off an running to my first IEP meeting of the year, piano lessons and quite possibly more.

I've decided my children are home bodies, like their mom.  We will venture out to Mitchell on occasion and maybe to Woonsocket if Mom is around, but it's so evident they love to be at home with me doing their things, which consist of playing Barbies and Calico Critters and crafts and watching movies.  Yesterday as we were returning to Sioux Falls, I asked the girls if they wanted to go out to Lifelight.  We haven't gone for a few years as I'm so not a concert going person, usually because of cost, but this is free.  So, last time we went, the girls were smaller and it was hot, windy and not a fun experience.  But I thought, maybe this is the year as they both are into Christian music and can sing the lyrics to lots of the songs.  Thing 1's first question: "How many people are going to be there?"  When I answered back probably 100,000 or so, she said, "Let's just go home."  My thoughts exactly, but I didn't want her to feel like she was missing out on things in life that might be important.  I don't necessarily see how attending a music festival with 100,000 others would qualify as an important thing in her life, until maybe she is in middle school and she can run around with her friends.  It was fascinating to me, though, to see how my preference at the end of a day is to be home and have no plans.  It has become theirs, too.  Nature or nurture?  Hmmm....