Well, okay, so that was only within the house. It actually was one of my hardest nights ever, although I'm sure if I searched the archives of this blog I'd find that I've said that before. The problem was this.
Thing 2 has always had an issue with picking up. To her, walking in the vicinity of the room and throwing her toys, clothes or various other sundries into her room was cleaning. I've redone her room twice to accommodate her problem and as you can see from the above photo, it wasn't really much of a help. And for those who think this isn't that bad, remember this is only half the room and she's FOUR. Habits start early and need to be broken early and this night was the night I decided to begin the breaking. I believe it might have been easier to break a horse, but nonetheless, I forged forward.
I've seen Thing 2 scream. I've seen her cry. I've seen most of her fits. But this...this was different. She hit. She kicked me. She screamed so much she started doing that "almost hyperventilating" thing while crying. It was ugly. I felt horrible, but I also felt like if I stopped, she would win again and ultimately, my job would double in a few years when I was trying to get her to clean her room. So, even though I felt like bawling the whole time, I did this.
It took all I had in me to not stop. I sometimes feel very single and alone and that night was one of the worst. After the deed was done, I ended up sitting in the chair in the front room, holding my head in my hand (you know, the dramatic pose) and wondering if I had just added another year of therapy to my daughter's future. It was then Thing 2 came waddling out of her room, tear-stained face, with Rapunzel blankie in hand and asked if I could hold her for awhile. The only thing in this world that calms her down is physical touch and my heart was needing it, too so of course, I held her for about an hour. I carried her to her room, climbed over the baby gate put up to keep the puppy out but mostly it just causes me to practically fall every time I crawl over it, and put her in bed. I rubbed her head for a bit, said prayers and went to my bed where I sobbed.
So scary this parenting gig. Rewarding. Amazing. Still, so very hard.
PS: Thing 2's first words out of her mouth the next morning: "Mama, I love my clean room."
