Poop. It rules my world.

No one ever warned me about poop's power.  Seriously.  No one.

One would think that poop would mostly be a word associated with a family of males.  Boys are supposed to like that whole bodily fluids stuff, right?  Right?  Whoa, was I misinformed.  Actually, uninformed is more accurate. Why would anyone write about poop, you're asking?  Well, various reasons.

Say poop. Now say it and keep a straight face.  If you accomplished that, now say it again except this time, say poopy pants.  Guaranteed you smiled.  But really, it's not about poop I'm writing.  It's about this whole concept of parenting and having to know more than I've ever had to know in my life.

Example: Thing 1 and Thing 2 have never been excellent poopers.  That's probably more information than they'd want me to share, but hey, I'm the mom and I don't care.  So, in order to deal with the problem once they're out of diapers, one has to ask them about their poop.  How much...how big...how hard...these may all seem like frivolous and honestly, quite gross questions to ask anyone, much less a child, but really, I've learned the hard way that if the poop isn't going well, nothing will be going well.  Parenting lesson number one---poop matters.

It has even become a topic of conversation at the dinner table since that's usually when Thing 1 and 2 get their "poop pills" as they so affectionately call them.  Just 10 minutes ago, Thing 2 was eating and had just taken her "poop pills" and suddenly stood up and said, "I HAVE to poop! Thank you, Mommy! Thank you for the poop pills!" Now seriously, I never in a million years expected to ever be thanked for this.  Scout's honor.  But it didn't end there. She exited the bathroom with pants pulled down, shirt totally off, exclaiming, "Mom, it was a medium-sized poop but it didn't hurt."  Are you still reading?  Why?  You obviously have the same weird problem I have of wanting to look at an accident scene, which this particular post represents.  Smile, wink.

Even when dealing with the dogs, one of the first things asked if they are sick is based on their poop.  My new puppy went to the vet yesterday.  What did I have to do upon returning home?  Collect a poop sample to return to the vet. I only relay this to not only show how much of an expert I am on poop, but also to show how its importance transcends simply humans.

Again, my purpose is mostly to address how surprising parenting is to me.  No manual warns you that someday, while sitting with your children, the topic of poop will be a discussion and it will be one that is contributed to by all involved. I don't think I've ever read a parenting article telling me that what poop looks like, floats like and sounds like when it hits the bowl is actually quite important.  Even now I'm not sure in my lifetime that the poop topic ever hit my parents lips except maybe to express a request like, "get your shit together, please."

Parenting: one surprise after another.  And I ain't shittin' ya.