Holding on to your kids....

About seven years ago I read a book called Hold On To Your Kids.  It was an interesting read, although quite long for saying ultimately what they wanted to say, which was essentially this:  our culture has allowed kids' friends to basically "raise" them.  In other words, instead of the tweens and teens and even younger kids attaching to parents and other family members, they attach themselves to their friends.  They prefer spending time with their friends over spending time with family.  They make decisions based on what their friends advise more than what their family would have chosen or advised.  It was a concept that made sense to me and maybe it's because I teach and see it constantly where kids are inseparable to the point of ridiculousness many times.  Mostly though, it made me think about my own girls and the choices I would eventually make when the time came that friends were becoming important enough to want to spend more time with them.  For Thing 1, the time has arrived.

Because of the situation I went through at four (my father's friend raped me), I have a strict rule about sleep overs. That won't change no matter what.  There are few that will be given the chance or privilege (HA...privilege!) of having my girls stay at their house because their psycho mom insists sleep overs be here mostly.  I haven't fully explained to Thing 1 why, but she gets that there is something there and she doesn't usually question it.  I wonder if I'm being over protective, but that quickly fades when I realize that it seriously takes a split second for someone to change another person's life.  I also know I can't protect them from all the evil in this world, but I figure when I can, I will always choose to.  Always.

We've been in middle school one full week and already I've noticed Thing 1 having some different opinions and actions on things because she is back to being surrounded by her friends.  Don't get me wrong, she has wonderful friends and she is a great kid and still is making good choices (at least the ones I see her make).  Yet, my heart strings tug sometimes when I know she may decide to only tell her friends certain things and not her mom anymore.  I guess I'm at a "rite of passage" as a parent....the first of many I'm sure.  And the benefit I have that many don't is I'm actually in the building where she is also attending and adjusting to middle school so I can keep my many eyes (thanks friends!) on her and know if issues arise.  Today a woman at church mentioned her admiration for me doing the two girls alone thing.  Then she added, "You just wait."  Hmmmm.  Really?  Is it necessary for those who have gone before to scare the crap out of those who are following behind?  It's almost like the labor and delivery stories that people tell pregnant women.  What if I believe my girl, who is drama-filled for sure, will continue to be the kid I envision her being?  What if she still decides to trust me and talks to me like I also pray happens?  And yes, what if she makes some huge mistakes and increases her attitude allotment 100 fold?  Does this advice help me in any way?

Middle school is the armpit of life.  My daughter knows that because she's heard me say it over and over.  She also knows her mom is over protective and will always want the truth even if it hurts.  Of course I'm not naive enough to think we're going to make it through middle and high school unscathed, but I believe my girl also knows that when I say, "Nothing you could do or say would ever make me love you less,"  I mean it and will stand by it.  She believes it. She believes in me.  And now, I'm going to choose to believe in her, even if she is a hormonal wreck about to enter the armpit of life....